Piper’s second piece of advice is to “win him with gentleness”. This is subtle to so many people, especially those who are in healthy relationships, but this is so damaging.
So…what about when your husband doesn’t change? Does that mean that it’s partly on you, since you weren’t able to be used by God to bring about this change? This is some really subtle victim blaming because rather than putting the responsibility for change completely on the person who is having the bad behavior, it shifts some on to their partner because God would want to use the wife to bring about change in her husband. And further, “So, what God does in her will have an effect on what he does in him”. Ok, this is a Christian woman who listens to your podcast already, likely she is already praying.īut, look at what he says regarding praying- she should not only pray for her husband to be “softened and move toward Christ-likeness…”, but she should also pray for herself because we “know from Scripture and experience that God uses husbands and wives to bring about change in each other”. Heaven…angels….love your husband like angels obey God. What do angels have to do with anything?! We are to love our spouses the way angels obey God? Huh? It’s like he goes off into daydream land when he’s talking. Husbands would love their wives, and wives would love their husbands, the way angels obey God - namely, joyfully and fully and without begrudging.” And that includes that his will be done the way the angels would do it. Any advice to the wife should be to direct the husband to actually address his behavior.Īlso, what in the world is this: “Jesus said that we should ask God that his will would be done on earth - and that would include in our marriages - as it’s done in heaven (Matthew 6:10). This is the husband’s problem in the first place, not the wife’s. That’s part of answering her question anyway! It just felt like an easy way to shove it aside and not deal with it.
Why not answer her question AND address the husband. It’s also interesting to me that he starts off by being “well I would have a lot to say to the husband here…but that’s not what she’s asking so I won’t actually address that.” It almost doesn’t even recognize that it’s an actual problem. Cut the flowery, over-spiritualized language and give real advice.Īlso I wish that just once one of these kinds of responses would open with- “I am so sorry to hear that you husband is harsh with you, you don’t deserve to be treated like that.” Because maybe if we all started from that foundation- that people should not be treated harshly- then we could actually get somewhere with a solution!īut there is nothing like that. Just say what you suggest (and the person can choose what to do with it). I can understand giving several suggestions which someone can choose from, but this is ridiculous. to say so very little.Ī woman is literally asking what to do and he’s given very little actual advice on what to do, and even in that uses language such as “so that’s a possible way forward perhaps”. I have literally never known anyone who could use so.many.words.
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